It’s a complain day today :(

24 August 2026 – 7:40 pm

I apologize for my complaining for this post but I feel like I need to complain sometimes, you know ? .

I think I remember why I hate working out. I recently started trying to work out, partly because of the military, but also because I am tired of looking how I do. I look frumpy, and I feel frumpy. I am the heaviest I have ever weighed in my entire life (not being pregnant of course) and trying to adjust my mindset from having been a skinny girl for my entire life to a positive mindset for the weight that I am now is a hard fucking challenge. I look back at pictures of when I was a teenager, and I’m envious of my younger self even though I know that I wasn’t exactly a healthy weight when I was a teenager either. Ever since I can remember, I had always weighed between 105 and 115 pounds. I weighed that up until 2023. Now I weigh roughly 150 pounds and I absolutely HATE it! I know, I know! I know that I should give myself grace; I had two children roughly 15 months apart, so of course my weight, my body and the way that the weight sits on my body changed me and how I look. But when none of your clothes or the style of clothes that you like sit well, it makes you start spiraling into self-hatred a little bit.

Back to the working out topic. I have been trying to engage my core. It’s hard and I don’t like it. I am going to be honest with you and it’ll just stay between us, but I really and truly don’t like the feeling of being sore at all. I do not like pain and I don’t think that I ever will. The only time that I am okay with being sore is if I had gone horseback riding for an entire day, and even then I get tired of being sore in my ass and my thighs, or when I do a decent job with core day, but then again, I get tired of the pain.

Okay, I think that is enough of that for today. I feel like I’m going to run all of you away with my complaining and whining. So, because of that, I’ll talk to y’all later.

~Becky signing off~