Random Late-Night Thoughts
18 March 2024, 0315
I never thought of myself as lonely even though I have been lonely plenty of times in my life.
When I was younger, I always followed my sister, cousins, aunts and uncles around because what else was there for me to do other than follow them around and learn about things. A little background, I was the youngest on both sides of my family (until cousins started having children), who also has ADHD and is dyslexic, so of course no one wanted me to be around for too long. I was much too hyper or too young or couldn’t follow directions well enough so they would leave me alone with hand-me-down toys or tell me to play outside with whatever nature had to offer. I always did connect with nature and animals much easier than my own family/their friends. Nature was predictable. Animals were predictable for the most part. People, especially family, are predictable and yet unpredictable at the same time.
Now, when I joined the military, I felt accepted as who I was but also very isolated because of who I was. It’s no secret that people in the military come from crazy different backgrounds and cultures. It’s also no secret that people (for the most part) in the military like to drink and/or do some sort of nicotine or caffeine addiction. Because of that, it’s quite difficult to make friends that don’t want to just hangout at bars to get drunk or get drunk at their own houses/apartments.
What I enjoy is talking about our differences in upbringings, our cultural differences, our hobbies, and what food or drinks that we liked. I want to go to cafes, restaurants, museums, art galleries, zoos, aquariums or even art/reading classes. But if all anyone wants to do is go out and get drunk then how is one not supposed to feel left out and lonely? Because I don’t like being around people who want to drink to the point of losing their own functions and basically have to be taken care of by someone else, I don’t go out and I have also no longer been invited to activities because of this preference of mine. I’d like to be invited out with coworkers to have fun but I do not want to be the DD every single time.
I haven’t really felt as lonely as I have in the past few months. I guess that I just have a disconnect with the world right now. But don’t worry about me too much, I am trying to find people and things to do/hobbies to keep myself occupied and to reconnect with the world.
Step 1 - Remember that I am not the only person who feels like this.
Step 2 - Remember how to live life slowly but at the fullest at the same time.
That’ s it. That’s all I have so far. But I am still thinking on things. Well, that’s it for another long post. Don’t worry though, I’ll start shortening the posts quite soon as like random little nuggets about my day/week. That way you all won’t get bored of my short story posts. That’s all for today. I’ll talk to you guys later……..
~Becky signing off~