Calm Day, Loud Mind
24 March 2024, 12:30 pm
Hello,
I don’t feel quite all there myself today, so I wanted to check in with all of you, my small group of reading friends.
Well, my day started with me barely getting any sleep because I am just so uncomfortable with this little one moving and making it hard to breathe since he’s against my lungs now as well as pressure in my midsection everywhere. So far, all I have done today is wash my curtains and dry them as well as forcing myself to eat something, listening to music, trying to watch TV but failing because it won’t entertain me right now, and then me ruminating on a dream that I had which I know won’t happen, but it won’t leave my brain.
No matter what music I put on today, it seems that I am not meant to be in a good, happy mood. It is quite a calm Sunday so of course music matching the atmosphere would do good but all it is succeeding in doing is putting me down, sort of like a small dissociative state. I am supposed to go to my first pottery class today and I was crazy excited about it yesterday but for some reason, I’m just not feeling it today. But since I scheduled/paid, I have to go. Partly because I have already paid, partly because I know how excited I was for this class before today but also because I scheduled with a small business and not a large company.
I wonder why I feel like this sometimes. It could be because of the pregnancy hormones making an appearance or because I feel lonely even though I know that I am not alone, or it could just truly be one of those dark days that like to appear more frequently as the years pass. I tried to put on happy-sounding music but that just annoyed me. I tried country music and rock music, that just annoyed me as well. I tried to put on sad-sounding music to try to get the sadness out of my system but that didn’t work either, just annoyed me again. So right now I am trying to listen to some lo-fi music and it is somewhat helping but I can still sense the annoyance in the back of my head. I understand that these moods can just happen sometimes and that’s what makes us human but it feels so debilitating whenever it happens. Sometimes I am sort of glad that I am alone when these moods hit because that means that I am not insufferable to any other person in my life when I start to get snappy at anything and everyone or just in a sad mood and don’t want to do anything, even if the other person around is trying to cheer you up.
I wonder, have any of you had this happen to you and if so, did or has it happened to you a lot? No matter, it is time for me to get ready for that pottery class. I’ll talk to you guys later and hopefully, I am in a better mood so I don’t bring you down like I probably did with this post.
That’s all for now. Thank you for reading and staying with me.
~Becky signing off~